Connections, Perspective and Grace

"Life is a blessing."

That's what Freddie said to me last night, just before he went to sleep.  There's a chance he meant it in the context of us not being dinosaurs and hunting and eating each other, but that was not the magnitude of the meaning behind that statement.  At least I don't think so.

Either way, he made the statement and as it worked its way through my soul it began solidifying feelings that have been rattling around for a while. 

The idea of connections and being connected is nothing new.  I'm sure it's been some sort of buzz word for quite some time.  But it is really permeating life for me right now.

And not just connecting, but the ideas of connecting, perspective and grace.  

My heart aches for the way our world is today.  But I have a weird perspective on it.  And I'm glad I can't see your faces as I type this, because there is a part of me that aches for everyone who is the perpetrator.  Don't get me wrong, it's a fraction of the size of the part of me that aches for everyone who has been harmed, but in some strange way I feel like everyone who is doing the harming, was also harmed at some point themselves.

I found myself at my favorite Chic-Fil-A again today....it's been a while.  And wouldn't you know it, my favorite booth in the back was free. 

As I scooted in, I got my food ready....and got my phone out.  I was by myself, so why not catch up on some emails and happenings in the world.  As usual there was a low hum of life happening around me with soft Christmas music in the background.  But as I looked up I didn't feel joy.  I didn't feel contentment, like usual.  As I looked around it felt somewhat empty.  There was a man and young boy in front of me.  The man seemed to be looking at his phone and the boy was looking out the window, or at his cup, or off in the distance.

In another booth there were two guys, no food in front of them, seemingly on a lunch break...neither one talking to the other.  Both on their phones.  

At a table to my right there was an older lady quietly eating her sandwich, while the young man with her said nothing, just scrolled through whatever had his attention on his phone.

Human beings sitting across from each other not connecting at all. 

As I put my phone way, I realized that the one that hurt me the most was the young boy in front of me.  It may sound weird, but I prayed.  I prayed for he and the man with him to connect.  For the man's heart to be filled with the urge to put down what he was doing and connect with the boy.  At one point he did...briefly...and the boy's face lit up.  Then it was over and everything went back to the way it was.

After a few moments I noticed the ladies coming around checking on everyone.  Chic-Fil-A is so good at that.  They were looking in people's eyes.  Asking how things were going.  Touching shoulders and offering warm smiles.  Some customers recognized each other and stood to greet each other with hugs.  And what was one moment a quiet, dim and almost cold experience turned quickly into a warm and welcoming environment where life felt full.

The connections.  That was the difference. The actual, human interactions.  The ones where we look at each other.  Care about what's going on in someone else's world....someone who is physically in front of us.

And then there is perspective.  I have no idea what is going on in another person's world.  

The man in front of me could have been checking on lab tests that he just got back from a doctor.  Trying with everything in his being to figure out how to share news he just didn't want to share with the boy he loved dearly sitting in front of him. 

The two guys could have been taking the few minutes they have in the day to connect with loved ones in another time zone and lunch time here is the best time "there".  

And the gentleman with the older lady could have been searching for information for her that she is just unable to navigate to on her own, without the help of this precious young man.

Without quoting definitions or being held to an exact meaning, I feel like the difference in the two ways of seeing those scenarios has to do with grace.

It is so easy these days to hold others to an unattainable standard.  And we seem to either think we have already reached that standard, in which case we are now better then everyone.  Or we have told ourselves we will never reach that level of perfection, so why try. 

I often talk about how much I learn from my kids. It has never been more true than right now.

Logan, on a pure, innocent and unbelievably precious level, needs one thing in life.  Outside of food and water, he simply needs to connect.  Sure he needs the wiring in his brain to connect a little better than it does, without all the chaos.  But even when that doesn't happen, he needs connection with his family.  There is no greater joy in that child's life than truly connecting - through hugs and kisses and touch and being understood.  Okay maybe going for a walk, a ride in the car or swinging....but the connection is there, nonetheless.

The same holds true for Freddie.  Period.  Hugs, kisses, touch and being understood.

I'm pretty sure for my husband I could say the same thing. 

And for me?  Yep.  Same.

Because those connections translate to love.  They translate to ensuring me that I am ok.  Reinforcing the fact that I'm not alone...I'm never alone.  I have these people that are in this with me.  They prove to me over and over again that I am worth so much more than this world will tell me I'm worth.  They remind me that things will be hard, but that I can do hard when I'm connected so much better than when I feel completely disconnected.

These connections are so incredibly vital to life.  And so many people cannot find this type of connection…anywhere. 

I do it so, so poorly - so, so often.   This connecting.  And it’s because of my perspective.

My perspective has to do with me.  I am so consumed with what life looks like for me, how it affects me, what the world thinks of me and what "me" is going to get out of everything, that I affect the connection.

I only learn this through my precious children.

Connecting is fairly easy.  Staying connected is the hard part.  That's where grace comes in.

We can connect on so many levels.  We find common ground with the most distant strangers.  But it's those closest to us that require the most work.  And the most grace. 

I have to constantly remind myself to allow whatever it is that needs to be allowed.  

For Freddie it's a whole host of things.  He is learning...every day.  He is learning how to be 9.  He is learning how different his brother is than other siblings.  He's learning how to prove that his brother is just who he should be, even if the one he's proving it to is himself. 

He's learning how to have a voice without being mean.  He's learning how to understand why others are different.  He's learning how to make mistakes and how to tackle challenges.  He’s learning how to face the hard parts of life as well as embrace the joys that are all around us.

And all along the way it's up to me (us) to create a safe place for all of that to happen, to help him stay connected, to help mold some perspective and to constantly wrap him in grace.

For Logan, it's fairly simple.  He hurts and we make sure we are there.  Whatever it is.  We stay connected to try and ease the pain of blood draws, learning to walk and after the hardest seizures.  And we teach him perspective by how we build his world.  We either fill it with only the necessary or we struggle and learn to create a world where he gets to experience as much of life as possible.  And the grace for him is sometimes wrapped in grace for us.  Allowing our emotions to occur, but not control.  I can't change who he is no matter how much that might hurt sometimes, but I can use that fuel to drive what we create for his quality of life.

And for Fred.  This might be the hardest one.  Marriage proves to be one of the most challenging connections to maintain.  We are so busy nurturing all of our other connections that we begin to see this one as interference.  The truth is we are both working as hard as we can for the same goal, and while connecting and perspective are especially important here - I would argue that grace is the one that needs the most focus and effort. I have never been more blessed in my life (outside of God's love and my two boys) than I am with the husband God chose for me.  There will never be words that convey how wonderful he is, both as a father and a husband.  And what that truly means is that he is not at all perfect, but he never gives up.  He loves us in every way he knows how and he keeps showing up every..single..day.  And he also understands and allows all of my many imperfections, offering grace that is vital to the connection.  

And at the end of the day what that looks like, in all of those relationships, is love that never quits.

I'm certainly not qualified to offer any advice, but I can tell you this has been burning a hole my soul.  And when the sermon on Sunday was about grace, I knew it was time.  It was time for me to try and gain some understanding of my own mind. 

I don’t have any answers, but my hope lies in a God who does.  A God who has the power to change our world.  

But it has to happen through us.  

One of my favorite quotes is one by Mother Teresa.

Never worry about numbers.  

Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you.

I simply love the thought of helping one person at a time.  And having my focus be right here…nearest me.  Whether that means comforting or hugging Logan, helping Freddie understand life….or praying for that sweet boy in Chic-Fil-A.  God allows me to be a part of something greater. 

And for that I can be nothing but thankful.