Prayer changes lives, we are living proof

My sweet angel Logan,

I am so extremely proud of you and all that you continue to accomplish in your sweet life!  This week has been the latest adventure for our family and our journey through life and what a week it has been.

I should probably start by confessing to you that I haven't been the best of mothers over the last few weeks. I've let myself get pretty frustrated, especially when you were sick with that stinking upper respiratory infection.  Honestly, I just got tired of feeling like you weren't getting better or worse, and all we seemed to do was saline, suction, medicine,console and repeat. It's my job to take care of you, but for some reason those couple of weeks seemed harder and I didn't handle things as well.  Thank goodness I'm not the only one you have to count on!  Daddy and Nana to save the day!  And I'm pretty sure if you were able to tell me, you could give me an earful about how you felt during it all! Bless you my sweet boy for how little complaining you do....ever.

Other than feeling a little guilt over the frustration, what I've mainly been feeling is pride.  The pride that can only be felt when major obstacles are overcome.  When a light begins to shine brighter than ever imaginable. Logan, I could not imagine feeling more proud of you and feeling more honored to be your mother than I do right now.

I'm not sure if you remember, because you're so young still, but this journey of ours since you arrived has been a bit bumpy. From the time you were a month old you have been in and out of the hospital more often than not it seems, you have been stuck with needles more times in one of those hospital visits than I have in my entire life, you have taken and endured the side effects of more medicines than I care to remember and due to various things you have choked, coughed and gagged your way through the last 15 months or so.  We have lost your smiles, seen you way too sedated, watched and listened to you cry for hours on end without the ability to console you and seen you trapped in your precious, albeit larger than average body for far too long in addition to multiple seizures a day.

Through it all we've seen YOU, our amazing angel, in your crystal blue eyes. YOU have been in there all along. Those precious eyes continued to encourage and at times beg us not to give up.  We have always believed that there is a host of angels that travel around with you that only you can see and during those times when we all felt like giving up, you would look up at them and they would give you the words to speak to us through those piercing eyes that would renew our strength to continue down this path, no matter how small the steps we had to take.

God has always had a plan for you my sweet son. It's been hard to see at times how the struggles you have had to endure could possibly be part of a plan, but we have trusted God knowing that He loves you more than we could ever fathom.

Along this journey I need to tell you about the amazing power of prayer, which I feel like you already  understand through your angel friends. It seems that maybe this was a lesson more for Mommy and Daddy.

Over the last week or so, once I got past my frustration and you got past the majority of your infection, miraculous things began to happen.

The smiles started coming back.

You are kicking and playing again.

You are talking....in your own sweet little language....all the time.

You don't want to sleep and miss out on anything.

You are spreading God's joy and light to every person you meet.

It's a very difficult thing for me to try and put into words, which I believe is what happens when there's a miracle in the making.

Logan, you would not believe the people who are praying for you and our family. I don't actually know how many and where they are all located, but I would sure love to know. It's somewhat beyond my comprehension how this prayer chain has grown and what a difference it has made.

We started the ketogenic diet this week and Daddy and I were a little nervous with anticipation of what was to come. Your sweet father sent out a deeply, heartfelt email asking for prayer that this would make a huge difference in your life and your health. That one email spurred tears of joy that reached beyond the borders of not only our community and our state, but from what I understand they stretch across the oceans. I know you don't understand that now, but just know that's a long ways away!!!

So, the prayers started. Not just any prayers, but the major kind. The kind that you feel working.

We felt them.

After Daddy sent out that email, you continued to get better. Your seizures were less in number and less in intensity.

You started getting stronger and becoming more alert.

You started smiling.

And you laughed. Not once, but multiple times.

Here we are, over a week after that email and the beginning of the prayer chain. We are going home a day early from the hospital and as usual, you are exceeding expectations.

When we arrived they told us that you would likely get sick and be very irritable by the second day - you have smiled, laughed and been your sweet, content self the entire time.

They told us it could take a while to reach the level of "ketosis" they wanted to see, especially due to your age and the fact that you were a bit chubby - you reached it the morning of the second day ahead of schedule.

The 24 hour EEG that was hooked up when we arrived showed no seizures, that we know of so far, and showed signs of development in your brain that we haven't seen before....the good kind of development!

You are responding to the diet better than expected, to the extent that the dietitian said she has never experienced a smoother start to the diet, ever. She's been doing this for 15 years.

And we have seen only a couple of mild seizure-like movements since Sunday morning.  Before this we've never gone more than 24 hours without a seizure and even that's only happened a couple of times.

My sweet boy, you are doing it.  All of it. There are no limits for you!

We are so blessed by you and your sweet brother Freddie.  The two of you are the most amazing children I know, even if I'm a little biased.

And speaking of your brother....Logan you won the jackpot with him.  He loves you so much, he's so smart and he has more compassion than many adults I know. Watching you guys grow up together is such a wonderful pleasure for us and we are unbelievably thankful for you both.

So now where do we go?

First we go home. We rejoice in the beginning of a new phase in our lives with our dear friends and family, those who are close by and those who we are now connected to through prayer.  We praise God for all of these precious blessings and we thank Him for the strength, peace and joy with which He continues to fill us.

Next, we enjoy the life with which we have been blessed. Whatever road that may lead us down, whatever form that may take.  It's a blessing in the purest form and for that we are grateful.

And that's it.  There's no need to make it more complicated than that. It's still one day at a time.

I have a new favorite song Logan, and it seems to contain some of the best advice - The Words I Would Say, by the Sidewalk Prophets.  I sang it to you today and you smiled that beautiful, full face, toothy smile.  I am more sure every day that you are teaching us more than we are teaching you, but we'll try and keep up.

For now... these are the words I would say.

Be strong in the Lord and,

Never give up hope,

You're going to do great things,

I already know,

God's got His hand on you so,

Don't live life in fear,

Forgive and forget,

But don't forget why you're here,

Take your time and pray,

These are the words I would say.

Logan I love you more each and every day.  I never imagined feeling so blessed by a child and so honored to be a mother. You and your sweet brother are truly the most amazing gifts God has ever given. I will continue to do everything I can to give you the absolute best life possible. I am so excited for your future and cannot wait to see all that God has in store for you.

Don't you ever give up and neither will we.

With all my love,
Mommy