Emotional overload

God doesn't give us more than we can handle.

Repeat.

God doesn't give us more than we can handle.

He does however challenge us, test us and train us to be the best US that we can be.

I continue to remind myself of that this week and although I know it, can recite it and repeat as needed....this week is proving to be quite the test.

Here's a glimpse at the last 3 weeks or so, when I think all of this started.

Freddie wasn't feeling well, but it didn't really seem to be anything we could pinpoint.  Just tired, we thought.  Sort of a tummy issue, but something we could associate with just being a little run down.  Over the course of that week he developed a fairly high fever - he never has a fever - and he spent at least one full day on the couch.  Not Freddie at all.

The kicker?  He even took a nap that day on the couch. Now, I'm really concerned.

We try and help him through whatever it is that is going on and eventually end up with antibiotics to treat what may be a sinus infection.  All in all I think it's possible that he had the flu.  He felt rotten, completely and totally.

We all seemed to get some form of what he had, but nothing seems too bad.  We also remarked about our "iron man" Logan who only had a slight clear runny nose for maybe one day over the entire time.  Go Logan!

The following week was pretty good.  We had some play dates for Freddie, Logan seemed to be doing well and we were all plugging right along.  We were way too busy, but that's pretty typical.

By Thursday of that week, Freddie had a croupy cough overnight...a sound we had not heard in a while.  The next day, he appeared to be fine.  Friday night, low grade fever.  Saturday morning, low grade fever.  Still, he appeared to be fine (maybe just a little tired) and Logan was holding his own.

We must just all be tired, right?  That seems to be the motto of our family.  Always tired and always saying that we are just tired and need to catch up on our sleep.

Sunday rolls around and Fred headed off to church to perform his Deacon duties, leaving me here with the kids. Since Freddie was up from 2am-5am the night before I figure I'm good with just Logan until maybe 8:30.  I've never known Freddie to sleep much past that.

Imagine my surprise when he comes down the steps at 10:30am!!!  I'm thinking I scored a quiet morning with one child and Freddie got some great sleep!

He asked for a very specific breakfast which I made and we sat down to eat.

I will spare you the details of the events over the next hour or so.  Just know that the floor has been cleaned...by Nana.

He still seemed fine though!  Usually when he is sick like that he gets very upset.  This time, no drama.  He even reassured me that his tummy was empty and we were all good.

So we proceed with small amounts of water and gatorade along with any type of crackers or pretzels he thinks he can eat.

After Fred got home we all headed outside to play!  We set up Logan's feeding while Freddie played in the boat.  Fred and I enjoyed a little conversation and just being together as a family.

I stepped inside to get something and before I reached the kitchen I heard Fred calling me through the window.  It was Logan's turn.

We thought he just got too hot.  That's it.  Being too hot during his feeding just wasn't a good combination.  We fed him his feedings a little slower over the rest of the evening, put him to bed and all seemed right with the world.

As a side bar, we have been looking for a new truck for a while. We knew we needed something larger, but we had decided to simply post mine for sale and look for another one. Long story short, we found one that a wonderful family friend of ours had for sale, decided it looked like a good fit for us and planned to go to Virginia the next day to at least look at it if not purchase it.  Because of other things planned that week, Monday was the only day I could go so the plan was set.

Fred and I left that morning heading to Danville thinking that we could do what we needed to do and get back at a decent time so that Nana and Papa were not left with the kids for too long after the nurse left.

Best laid plans, right?  We are halfway there and I get a call from Nana that Logan is sick again.  We also need to find some clothes for our sweet nurse to wear so that we can wash hers.

Once again, Nana is stuck cleaning the floor!

The trip takes longer than we expected, for various reasons, but we make it home - through the pouring down rain - having sold our Tahoe and driving our new Suburban (used Suburban, but new to us).  YAY!

Although our emotions have been kind of low over the last couple of weeks with sick kids, this was exciting.  A couple of things were now crossed off of our long list of family "to do's"!

Logan kept the rest of his feedings down just fine, but he whined quite a bit during the day.

Freddie however, was rip roaring ready to go!  He was FINALLY feeling better!

Just to be sure that Logan would be okay overnight, Fred slept with him.  At about 5:30am I heard Logan screaming.  He had a fever of about 103 and Fred said he had been that way for a while. Tylenol, a new diaper and Fred to Freddie's bed to get some sleep.  Freddie was in our bed, I stayed with Logan and that completed musical beds for another night.

The sun finally comes up on Tuesday and we have a nurse, Kimbra, working with us who has really only met Logan once. She's very sweet though and seems to roll with the punches well.

Nana comes to get Freddie ready for school, so that I don't have to leave Kimbra with Logan who isn't really doing well.

Although she has only seen him a couple of times, she encourages me to call the pediatrician's office. I'm thinking that I'll call and they will tell me to keep him hydrated and give him Tylenol to keep his fever down.  The other bit of information though is that I had noticed an odor coming from where his tube is in his tummy over the last week.  Probably just where it needed to be changed (which we did on Monday), but it was still concerning.

After hearing everything that was going on with him they decided they wanted to see him.

We get there and see the new pediatrician that is working the other half of the part time schedule that our sweet Doctor Ashley is working.  She spends very little time examining Logan, but looks concerned.  As she is telling us that she thinks we need to take him to the ER, he decides to cover her, me, our nurse, the table, the floor and himself with the breakfast that he had recently finished.  We had just met this doctor for the first time.

So.....here we go to the ER. Wow.

Once we get there it's pretty typical for Logan...bloodwork (multiple sticks to finally get a vein), chest xray (brutal for a kid who doesn't support his trunk), IV fluids and the guessing game.

We are admitted....no surprise there...and the initial thought is that he has a developing pneumonia.

Over the next couple of days we have multiple blood draws, urine tests, stool tests, an abdominal xray, antibiotics (2 different kinds) to head off the infection and nasal swab tests.  Overnight his respirations and O2 saturation keeps dropping which is concerning. Logan is more miserable than I have seen him when he's been sick.  He's either crying or sleeping.  It's is heartbreaking to watch.  Even one of the doctors who has seen him before, said this was the sickest he has seen him.

We don't get a ton of sleep Tuesday night and Wednesday is pretty miserable for him.

It is extremely clear to me though that the prayers had started and were reaching their destination because  around 8pm Wednesday night Logan seemed to turn a corner. Through extremely puffy eyes (too much fluid and a lot of crying), he smiled and started clapping his little hands.

Ahh....a little bit of peace was back.  I am convinced it was the prayers.

A few minutes later the doctor comes in to tell us he tested positive for Influenza A.....the dreaded flu!

I feel like that was an answer to prayer too however, because based on his questionable bloodwork it could have turned out much worse!!!

Another side note....we have been exploring a school for Freddie in Charlotte for a couple of months now. It's a decision that I never thought we would be making, but after visiting an open house it truly felt like the right move for our family. It was where Fred and his sister went to school from Kindergarten through graduation, although it has changed dramatically since they were there.

There is a fairly extensive application process, but after quite a bit of discussion, prayer and sense of peace about this being the right direction for our family we applied.

As things tend to go, the school called to schedule the follow up conference about whether or not Freddie would be accepted...they called while we were on our way to the hospital.  We did not want to delay things any longer so we scheduled the appointment for Thursday morning.

So, Thursday went something like this...Fred had to leave the hospital around 4:30am to be in Raleigh for a class, Ga Ga came to the hospital around 7:30am so I could get Logan's formula made and get myself ready to go to the meeting at the school and Nana and Papa came to help after dropping Freddie off at school!  Whew!  By the 9:15am meeting I felt it should be 9:15PM!

After all of the emotions of the week, I cried when the invitation was extended to Freddie to attend in the fall for TK.  The sweet lady (one of Fred's favorite teachers) from admissions who I had the conference with proceeded to tell me what a wonderful, sweet child Freddie was and how they were looking forward to having him at Providence Day!

I cried all the way back to the hospital.  I'm so proud of Freddie because this is all based on who he is and nothing we have done to prepare him.  Love, love, love that kid!

I get back and we are eventually discharged, although not before the doctor tells me that we need to have Logan's blood tested again next week because some of the cells were A-typical. He mentioned, among a fairly detailed explanation, the word leukemia.  Now, after obsessing over it and talking to our pediatrician there is one small part of Logan's blood that was simply showing different than it should.  For there to be concern of leukemia there would be so many other things in his blood that would be way off it would raise a ton of concern.  Still, at the emotional edge where I am teetering, this one word is threatening to nudge me right on over!!

Overnight last night Logan develops a slight fever, congestion and a cough.  I sleep with him to keep an eye on him and also to try and give Fred a good night's sleep.

We have a follow up with the pediatrican this morning and as we are getting ready for that, I get an email from Fred about how awful he is feeling.  Tummy issues.  Un-stinking-real.  Like he needs this or like any of us need yet another boulder on our journey!

I originally thought of these boulders as detours, but if you have too many detours along the way, you start to lose your way and head in the wrong direction. We have to keep our eyes on the MAP (God's plan), keep trusting our GUIDE (God) and keep pushing forward as hard as we can not allowing any EVIL force to hold us back.

So Fred goes to the doctor, finds out it's not the flu, gets some medicine to help his tummy and is resting at his mom's.

Logan, nurse Jodie and I head to the doctor's office for an exam, another chest xray and some additional bloodwork.

So this all brings us to right now.

Fred is still resting at his mom's.  We may leave him there tonight!

Freddie and Nana are at the Jumpe Place jumping all of their energy away!  Okay, maybe just Freddie is jumping.

Logan is feeling better and talking some while he watches Nick Jr.  He is going to have to start an antibiotic tonight because his xray showed an infiltration in the lower right lung. Could just be part of the viral infection, but because he had a slight fever last night too we aren't going to take any chances.  We'll do some more follow up blood work next week to make sure all is okay.

And I'm typing....as fast as my little fingers will type. In some weird way, typing all of this out relieves me of a lot of it on my shoulders and in my brain. This is only a portion of it too, so imagine how ridiculously overloaded my brain must look!  If it was all neat and tidy in their it would be one thing, but it's quite a mess!!!

This has been one of the most emotionally charged weeks I can remember in a long time. With all that has gone on we are still in a good place.  It just seemed like a very bumpy road getting here this week.

Hopefully we will have a somewhat quiet next few days so we can hit the ground running for all that is on schedule for next week.

I can't tell you how amazing the support has been this week though.  Our friends and family make this all possible.  I am forever, incredibly grateful.

Now, I'm done. Logan is whining, it's time for him to eat and I'm not even going to re-read this post.  I'll apologize now for any typos or tangents. Remember, this is my therapy!

Here's to an uneventful weekend!

Happy Friday everyone!