My sweet mama's voice

My mom called last night.  I couldn't believe it.  To say it was good to hear her voice is a ridiculous understatement.  Somehow in all of the chaos of our lives I have nothing recorded of her sweet mama voice.

She sounded great.  Happy, content.  So...very........mama.

But as soon as I realized it was her, I told her that she shouldn't have called.  She wasn't supposed to! I didn't want her to get in trouble.  I was so nervous that she might get caught.

I broke her heart.  I heard the tears as she took that to mean I didn't want to talk to her.

I was crushed.  How could I have let what I thought was supposed to be take over what was?

Whether we got disconnected and reconnected, or never lost touch is a blur.  What I do know is that we didn't end in tears, but in the joy of reconnecting with the promise of more to come.

When I woke up it took some time before the fog lifted to expose what a gift God had given me last night.

I talked to my sweet mama.  And I didn't just hear her voice.  Our hearts connected in a way that they haven't since she left this earth.  What an unbelievable feeling.

God granted me that incredible experience.

But as with most things with me, it's bigger than that.  I believe with my whole heart that clearing out the noise of the world (I've been trying my best to simply read my Bible and find God throughout my days) allowed me to experience one of those amazing things that God has for us if we can only be in tune enough to listen.  To be present.  To trust that there is SO MUCH GOOD.

And it's not lost on me that in the last week, more than once, I have come so close to picking up my phone to call my sweet mama.  He hears my heart, too.

So for now, I'm going to keep trying to focus on the beauty of what is RIGHT NOW and let that continue to drive out all of the "what should be". 💜⚓️