Okay, so not really, but it felt good to type that. I've gone from "it's been a long tough week" to "it's been a really long, really tough couple of days". Holy cow.
I think the steroids have finally fully entered Logan's system. He was much puffier in his face and limbs today than he has been at any point and he just seems miserable. There were times when we had a hard time consoling him. And his little voice, he's hoarse from crying so much. A 5 1/2 month old hoarse? Not good.
Freddie's surgery is less than 12 hours away and I am freaking out. You would think with everything else we have been through I would be able to handle this a little better, but I am truly dreading it. Like my mom reminded me tonight....tell the devil to go away and give it and Freddie over to God. He will take care of him. For some reason it's hard to do that tonight. I'm just so worried about him. He's old enough to really feel the pain and understand a little, but he's not old enough to really understand it all. But, it's all scheduled so now it's time to just suck it up and get through it the best we can.
I feel the need to write and write and write tonight, but it's just not in me. We're all tired and run down. Nana is taking another shift tonight so we can be ready for whatever happens with Freddie tomorrow and tomorrow night. These days (or I guess nights), Logan is up basically all night. He usually wakes up around 1 or 2 and is up off and on the rest of the night. It makes it tough to function the next day. But hopefully it's just because of the steroids. We've got about a week and a half to go and that should settle down some. Freddie still gets up sometimes in the middle of the night too. We'll see what tonight brings.
At least for now Nana, Logan and Freddie are all asleep. Fred will be home from the office soon and we'll hopefully be ready to tackle tomorrow when it comes. Even in typing this I'm reminded that we are not in this alone. Even when it seems that we can't go any further and we can't take anymore, God somehow gives us the strength to keep going.
I've mentioned our Sunday School class (Cornerstone) before, but I can promise it will happen again. They are truly like family. We all share the good, the bad and the in between. We are extremely blessed because of and by them. One of our friends in the class sent an email out last night asking for prayers for friends of theirs and then sent a follow up this morning. It is truly one of the most tragic and heart wrenching stories I've heard. The couple, Samantha and Bryan, were desparately trying to have children, finally got pregnant and lost twins at 20 weeks. They were able to concieve again - twins once more who were born at 27 weeks. The boys struggled through a few months in the NICU, but came home doing well. They celebrated their 2nd birthday in June and were doing great. But sadly, yesterday morning the parents found that the boys had passed away in the night. They think it was a malfunction in the heating system in the upstairs of the home and the boys simply suffocated due to extreme heat. I'm sure there are worse things, but for the life of me I can't think of oneat this moment. They are extremely strong in their faith and are thankful to God for the time they had with their boys, but they need all the prayers they can get. So please, please add them to your prayers lists. For some reason God has decided to spread this blog to more people than I ever realized it would reach, but now I realize that there is so much more that we can do. So for tonight, it's helping this sweet family in the only way I know how right now - prayer.
My dad sent me a poem today and it seems very fitting for so many reasons (Thank you Daddy). God's timing is impeccable. And as I type, His peace falls over me.
Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It's then I have to remember
That it's in the valleys I grow.
If I always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love
And would be living in vain.
I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys I grow.
I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.
My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.
Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow.
Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.
Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow!
(This poem was written by Jane Eggleston who currently lives in Virginia. Her son Jeff states, "She is a wonderful person, loves Jesus and has been the best mother anyone could ever ask for." What a fitting tribute to any mother.)
Lord, please wrap Samantha, Bryan and their family in your peace. Comfort them as only you know how.
Grant us the courage and wisdom to help our boys through the tough times ahead.
And as always, thank you for your love, patience and guidance. We are forever grateful. Amen.
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