Why is life so complicated?

Most mornings after I drop Freddie off at school I seem to feel energized as I drive back home, or wherever I may be driving. For some reason in the car I can organize my life and feel like I can tackle the world! However, as soon as I get home it all seems to go down the drain. All of my wonderful thoughts and plans are derailed almost as quickly as they developed.

Last week was extremely busy, but productive as far as medical issues and Logan is concerned.  I called about most of the outstanding invoices so that everything can be refiled with Medicaid. We had a couple of great PT sessions which are proving to be wonderful for Logan. Our real estate issue is at least on hold for now, without major consequences, so that's good. The house was shown on Monday and Saturday, so we're still getting some traffic there. Our pediatrician's office is actually looking into the SC Medicaid issue, so that's not a lost cause - love, love, love them by the way, for so many reasons. We started Logan's vaccines back this week and he did great. We are also trying to move him over to regular formula slowly, so that is also going well. We've started doing "Meet and Greets" with nurses to see if we can find someone to help out so Nana can get a break. I finally got Freddie on a waiting list for the early preschool program through the public schools, which I have heard nothing but wonderful things about. Our PT put us in touch with a family who has a 5 year old little angel that is dealing with or has dealt with many of the same issues as Logan and I was able to talk with his mom, Lisa, yesterday for over an hour. She is a wonderful resource! I was also able to go to Bible Study last night, which was more wonderful than for me that anyone can know. We went to church as a family - all four of us - and then out to lunch with a great group of friends. Dinner with great friends and fun watching football games last night was a great ending to the week. All in all it was a great week, they just seem to fly by and we often don't notice they are great until they are over.

Logan is also sleeping better, at least part of the time. He typically has at least one seizure during the night, but often he is able to go back to sleep right after. Last night we had to call in the reinforcements however - Nana and Papa - because he was having a very, very tough time. We still don't know if it was seizure related, or just that he was so tired he couldn't get himself to sleep. Either way, by about 10:30, he was finally asleep for the night. He had a short seizure around 1:30am, but otherwise we slept all night. It seems so crazy to me that we talk about this all the time, but I also never realized how much easier it is to tackle daily life when every has decent sleep at night. I'm not even counting on 8 full hours a night, but if we could get to where I know everyone will be asleep by a certain time and up at about the same time, I think my body could get used to counting on those times. It's a goal at least, so we'll keep working towards it.

We gave the go ahead last night to the equipment rep for the chair...WHOO HOO!!! It will take about 4 months to get it, but at least we've started the process. That chair - essentially a stroller type wheelchair - will make life so much better for Logan. He will be able to sit up straight! There's also a base that we are going to get to use at home that will allow him to sit all the way down close to the floor - where he can watch Freddie play - and all the way up at the table, so we can truly eat dinner as a family. Hallelujah!! And the bath chair is in the works as well.  Forward progress is so wonderful!

I mentioned speaking with a lady, Lisa, who has a 5 year old little guy that has already been through much of what we are going through now. It's amazing how similar some stories can be even though he has a different diagnosis. It was so comforting to talk with someone who has been through it already, but also someone who is very real about it. She has twins that are 2 years older than her little one, so she is also a great resource for how to help siblings out with everything that they inevitably have to deal with. She did assure me that although there are extremely hard days and days you just want to scream, cry or stay in bed...it will get better. Things will settle out a little and life will be easier. I start to see that and get excited and then sometimes feel like one little thing happens and we are headed backwards. But that is also part of it...it's why this is our journey, not a destination. And we're in it together....along with all of you. I can't begin to tell you how your support and encouragement, and especially your prayers, have made all the difference in our lives.

And then there's Freddie, who seems to get the short end of the stick sometimes. He's doing fine and he is learning wonderful things from all of this, it just seems hard sometimes because I feel like I am always talking to doctors or we are talking about medicine or seizures. I have to realize that those things are just going to be part of his life, so we just make it part of his life and not a big deal. Everyone has their "stuff", so we are going to embrace our "stuff". One of his Sunday School teachers told us yesterday that when she asked how Logan was Freddie said, "He's good. He doesn't wiggle as much anymore." Obviously he picks up on more than we give him credit for.

All in all the kids are doing well and growing and changing just as they should. They are such a blessing. Life for Fred and I is good as well, we just don't get much time together these days. He's busy trying to grow a business to help take care of our family and I'm busy trying to keep things going with the kids. By the time everyone is settled in each night it doesn't leave a lot of time for us, and we are usually so tired we're just trying to get done what has to be done before we fall in the bed.  I do miss him, very much. As I'm sure most parents who have kids our age, I find myself thinking about the times early in our marriage when we traveled whenever we wanted. We spent a lot of time hanging out with our friends, we didn't have to rely on family and friends for so much and we seemed to have so much figured out as far as the path our life was going to take. It's not really altogether different from any other couple our age, it's just hard when you're in the middle of it. We have to keep putting God first in all that we do and it makes me upset when I see this in black and white, because I realize that when things seem to be completely out of control it's because God is clearly not first.

During our Bible Study and Sunday School lesson I was reminded that putting God first and reading the Bible should be the most important things in our lives. When we remember to do that everything else falls into place. Why is it so hard to do that sometimes?   We also talked about how we all want to buy organice products today instead of the processed food that it not as good for our bodies. Imagine the Bible as our organic food yet we are willing to take our spiritual food from anywhere, or not at all. I have to tackle this like anything else in our lives right now....one at a time. So, I'm going to begin reading Proverbs tonight. That is my goal. If I get nothing else accomplished today - aside from feeding and bathing the kids - I'll do that. Now let's see if I can follow through on this one simple thing.

Have a great Monday everyone! May God bless your day and your lives and may you always remember to PUT HIM FIRST!!!!