About to explode

There are times along this path of ours when I feel like a fully expanded balloon that is still trying to take in more air. It's like each email I receive, each phone call I have to return or message I need to respond to, each issue that arises that on its own would not be anything major, becomes the one that just might burst the balloon into millions of tiny little pieces.

I'm trying with all my might to hand it over, let it go and realize I do not have to carry the whole load.  But today, it's just not happening.

Logan is good, but not great.  Well, sometimes he's great, but for short periods.  We're waiting to do around of blood tests and urine tests before we start higher than normal doses of  Peridoxal 5 Phosphate (essentially vitamin b6) and Folic acid.  These two supplements could illicit nothing notable or drastic changes in Logan's life.  For now, we just need to hear back from the doc's office on where all these tests will be sent and where we need to have the blood drawn.  If we are going to see changes, we could see them in 3-5 days once we start the supplements.  It's driving me crazy to keep waiting.

We want to get Logan back into school, but it is proving to be really, really hard.  I keep thinking I just need to suck it up and do what it takes to get him there, but the schedule, his sleeping, his seizures, our nursing schedule, my responsibilities....and so much more...make it really hard to make this happen.  And in the end I feel like he misses out because I can't pull it all together.

Freddie is great, but has his own stuff that requires time and energy to manage.  He needs us and he needs a lot from us and that is our job...to do whatever we can to help him.  But some days I just can't seem to make it all happen for him either.

Then there's the stuff that, again, is just part of life.  There are some pretty big things happening that are nothing short of miraculous and unbeleivably wonderful.  But they too require time, energy and organizational skills that God appears to have left out of my makeup.

It's grueling and overwhelming.  I feel guilty complaining, but feel like I might explode if I don't get it out.  I find myself saying no more often, but I haven't gained a great confidence in doing so. I feel like I may say no to the wrong thing or at the wrong time.

I'm reminding myself to pray and listen, but I let my own voice take over and drowned out any chance of clarity and peace.

It's just one of those days and it will pass.  It will get better and life will go on.

I know I'm supposed to be learning through all of this, but I'm just not sure what.

Life is not about what happens to you, but about how you respond to what happens to you.  So I have the choice to make it better or worse.

Here goes.

I'll let you know how it turns out.