Truth

So often I go through life hearing what is going on around me, but not connecting the dots.

I'm involved, but not necessarily engaged.

I'm not on the sidelines really, but I'm also not giving the game my all.

I get so twisted in the mixed messages of "hindsight is 20/20" and then trying to forget the past and focus on the future.

But today, today the tides turned a little.

Today in the midst of the rain and clouds I saw sunshine.  I experienced joy.  And I remembered all of those little things that keep nudging me in the right direction.  Those little things tugging at my soul to see everything as it should be seen, not as it is according to this  world.

Today, right now, here is what I know.

It's time to flip the lens (thank you for that Pastor Nate).

It's time to rejoice in what God is going to do instead of complaining about what He did not do (thank you again Pastor Nate).

It's time to give up an easy life and focus on having an effective life (preach it Pastor Nate).

It's time to look at my chains differently - as a pioneer assignment, taking the gospel places I never could have gone as a free person (I should just copy and paste the entire sermon).

My tipping point this morning?

This.

We tried last year each time Logan was able to even make it to the horse farm where his class rides horses, but he never was able to ride.

This week we haven't made it to school because he has two different types of bacteria causing a pretty yucky infection around his g-tube, for which he is taking two different antibiotics.  Five doses of antibiotics a day also changes his entire schedule so that we are doing something, giving him something, every 1 1/2 hours.

But today.  Today we loaded our gear in the car.  We put on our sweatshirts and we headed to the farm an hour late after a morning nap.

It was almost time for his group when we got there, so we waited and watched as the first group of kids finished.

That's when it started.  The change in the tides.

Whether they were smiling or crying...giggling or squealing...they were doing it.  Some of them for the first time.  And everyone around them was smiling too.  Encouraging them.  Cheering them on.  Celebrating their success and reassuring them that they were doing a great job.

Lots of "YAYS" and clapping!

Just before it was Logan's turn a sweet little friend from his class came over to say hi.  To tell him she missed him.  To give him a sweet hug and a kiss on the cheek.  And he patted his response so softly on her face and head.

Those were the first tears that welled up in my eyes.

Then it was time.  We tried on helmets and got his belt on.  They were all reminded that he is a seizure kid and verified once again that I would be there the entire time - the undertone being that I could handle whatever might happen with him.

As I handed him over I noticed the two little tears on his cheeks.  It's the silent ones that tear at your heart.  The look on his face because he didn't understand why I was handing him over to a stranger with something weird on his head and the feeling of sitting on something very different than any of his chairs.

But then they started to move.  Slowly they started to walk and the smiles were instant.  I made my way to the center of the ring where I could try and capture every ounce of excitement.  You would have thought he had just learned to walk on his own the way I was acting.  I videoed and photographed everything I could.  Then my camera wouldn't shoot anything else.  It just kind of froze up.

And I realized.  I realized it was one of those nudges.  It was one of those precious reminders that we often miss.  It was that gentle whisper telling me to stop and take it in.

I put my phone in my pocket and I watched as Logan smiled, kicked his legs and even squealed a few times.  Not only was he smiling, but everyone in that barn was smiling as well.  Each team (3 or 4 to each horse) led those sweet children around that ring, through the maze, walking in circles and traveling around the ring again.  Most of them volunteering their time, because it takes an army of people to help provide a couple of hours of pure joy for this group of kids (thank you Anne Springs Close Greenway, Mrs. Douds and Fort Mill Schools!)

It may as well have been the brightest, sunniest day you've ever seen because that is what it felt like to me.

At the end I snapped one more picture, but only after they started moving again because that's when the smiles started.

Pure, precious joy.

The world we live in is harsh and can easily feel hopeless.  But we have to believe in something bigger.  Greater than us or this world.

More Pastor Nate wisdom:

Happiness happens to you, joy flows through you.  I saw that over and over again today.

The world around us only knows the gospel they see in us.

An effective life will always cost us something.

Faith and fear are both fueled by your focus.

How I respond to the setback will determine how I step into my purpose.

This life we live is not what I would have designed.  Not at all.

My child's shoes were the only clean ones today.  Because he doesn't walk.  But if I flip the lens I can see that in a multitude of beautiful ways.  Not the least of which is the huge hugs that I get every time I get to hold him.

He can't offer back a high five or say thank you.  But I would argue that his smile could truly light up an entire room or the darkest of hearts.

Frustration sets in consistently because of the circumstances that are out of my control simply because of how God designed Logan.  I find myself focusing only on how that impacts my life in a negative way, what it takes away from me and what I miss out on because of things that are not what I expected.  And yet, when I get over myself and change my focus (flip the lens) I realize that God is not punishing me.  He is not mad at me and He is not making me pay for past mistakes.  He has given me a gift that I don't deserve.  Daily he is opening up a glimpse of the joy that can only be found in Him through not only my precious baby boy, but through both of my children.

Freddie helped me understand the difference between joy and happiness the other day as we were walking from Nana and Papa's new house (because it is so close we can walk!!!!).

Joy is enjoying what you already have and not wanting more.

Happiness is finding something you like and then getting more and more and more of it. But you're never going to be happy because the more you get the more packed up stuff you'll have.


It's time to stop focusing on what I don't have and can't do.  I was built with the capacity to do much more than that in my lifetime.  And it's the only way I can truly teach my children how to live effectively.

And another solid truth is that this stuff doesn't stick because I wrote a blog post or had a great day today.  As a christian I have to keep reminding myself.  Keep myself surrounded by truth.  Keep renewing my hope from the only source that has the ability to renew hope.  Keep focusing on the fact that my faith is not in the provision, but in the PROVIDER.

The more I keep those things in mind, the more I find peace.  In fact it's the only time that I am truly overcome with peace.  The only time I truly experience joy.  And the only time that I get to rely on faith and not fear to drive my actions.

It's not a one and done type of thing.  It's not that I have it all figured out and can move on.  And it's not that I get the prize and now everyone else is on their own.  We're all in this together.  We're all striving for the same things.  The same joy.  The same sense of hope.  The same lack of fear and frustration.

Somewhere I read a quote from Mother Teresa that said: "Never worry about numbers.  Help one person at a time, and always start with the person nearest you."

Imagine the impact that could have on the world.

Happiest of Fridays to each of you!!!!