And the roller coaster ride continues, luckily we are not licensed to drive

It's hard to believe we're already through the middle of August and approaching fall of the year. A dear friend remarked tonight that summer must have been a blur for us. I hadn't really thought about it, but there are definitely times over the last few months that are a bit hazy. All in all though, we really have had an amazing summer. We have so much to be thankful for and even some of the problems we have been faced with are good problems to have. The electrical storm wreaking havoc in our precious child's brain however, is not such a wonderful problem.

Yesterday was such a good day. Although Logan is still having about 2 seizures a night, they were not so bad on Monday night. In general Tuesday was a pretty typical day. The exception was a visit from Frances with Baby Net. She was delightful! So pleasant and ready to help in any way possible. After hearing her story of helping so many children in need over the years, we realized that yet another angel had been sent our way.

Baby Net is a federally funded program that provides help and support to families with children affected by various conditions. I had no idea anything like this existed, but from everything she explained to us, it sounds like an amazing program. They will provide help through therapists, counseling, support groups, recommendations, etc. Who knew? I suppose this shouldn't be such a shock, but somehow I was still very surprised.

We still battled about 9 seizures yesterday, but they didn't seem to be as hard on Logan. They didn't last quite as long, he didn't cry as much afterward and he didn't seem as exhausted in general. He played and laughed more than he has on other days. It is such a blessing to see him so happy! We worked on strengthening his neck and trunk muscles so he can support the 20 pound body he has built! All in all it was wonderful. My mom and I both commented on how much better he was doing. I even failed to check back with the neurologist's office after a call to them on Monday to report that things were not any better on the increased medication. I didn't necessarily think that things had changed drastically in one day, but when taking things one day at a time - it was simply a good day.

I didn't realize how true that last statement was until today. Today was not such a good day for Logan. He has tried so hard to sleep - last night and today. And inevitably the electricity in his little brain just wouldn't calm down. He fussed, struggled, seized, ate, took medication, tried to sleep, then started all over again. There were brief periods of happiness and typical 4 month old baby stuff, which we have truly learned to slow down and cherish. It's just hard to watch him struggle on days like today. I know everyone feels this way about there child, and we are no different, but he is truly the happiest baby! He LOVES for us to talk to him and play with him and when he's feeling great, it is just amazing! His little smile lights his face up all the way to his ears and both chins! He laughs out loud, sometimes to the point of hiccups. He's alert and so full of life. Then it hits again and the struggle begins. Bottom line - it's just tough.

Insert roller coaster ride feeling. While Logan was having a brutal day at home with Nana, Freddie and I had an amazing "Freddie/Mommy day" running errands to get ready for his first day of preschool tomorrow! We went to the bank, the office, the mall to get new shoes, lunch at Chic Fil A, a pick up at the hospital, stopped for a quick food delivery from Mama-San (AKA Becky Barnett bringing food from the Marshes) a haircut and Wal Mart. Whew!!! We had the best day! The child honestly amazes me. The things he knows and says, sees and learns....and on and on and on! I had more fun with my almost 3 year old today than I have had in a while. I believe, with all my heart, that things in our lives happen just as they should and realize that going back to work when he was born was part of the plan. It has been a tough road learning to be home for the first time, now with 2 kids, but hearing Freddie's laugh today and having him softly pat my face and tell me he loves me - the world stopped spinning for a moment and it was just the two of us.

This brings me back to where it all begins and ends. Our blessings from God. Can you imagine if you tried to list them all? I realized today that it's not just our family and friends, church and health. It's so much more. I wish I was able to quote scripture - a sincere goal of mine. But I know in my heart, which is where the Holy Spirit lives, that every day holds more blessings than we could ever praise God for. As hard as this has been and promises to be, there are more blessings than we can imagine.

Yes, Logan has a rare and somewhat unexplainable brain malformation that is and will continue to challenge his and our life, BUT there are amazing doctors, nurses, hospitals, support groups, medicines and research efforts that are out there to help him. Friends, family, prayers, meals, babysitting, love, kindness and true compassion is coming out of the woodworks for our family. I know, without a doubt that we will be fine. We have to be if God is in charge and He already knows what lies in store for us. Isn't that the point of praying? To listen to his guidance and follow his plan? I'm certainly not trying to teach any lessons here, but these things have become so much clearer to me over the last few months and years.

I heard once that it's hard to deny the power of God and His love when you look into the eyes of a child. Try it. And when they are your children, it could not be more true. The days get longer and the nights get shorter, but one smile can keep you going.

It breaks my heart to think of those who are struggling and do not know Christ. How afraid and alone they must feel. Hospitals are often fairly busy places and it is sad to see so many people with the look of hopelessness in their eyes. My mom caught part of a sermon on TV the other day and the preacher was talking about being in a waiting room and how much we worry and agonize over what is going on with our loved ones. He continued to preach on the fact that instead of worrying, what we should really be doing is praying. It sounds so simple, yet even those of us who say we are christians and have a strong belief in Christ forget to shut up and pray. I've always been a worrier, but after hearing just the gist of what that preacher had to say I realized that by worrying I'm questioning God. He's in control, he has already laid out the plan, we're not alone in this. Hmm....is there an echo? It always comes back to this, doesn't it?

Everyone is in bed now and I have to wash bottles and head there myself. It's strange to pray that Logan will only have a couple of seizures tonight and they will be mild, although I wouldn't complain if everyone were to get a restful, full night's sleep. Either way, the sun will rise to start a brand new day. Freddie will go to his new school and one we hope will expand his world beyond our dreams (I realize it's only preschool, but Fred and I would like to go back if we could, that should say something). And we will try the addition of a new medicine for Logan.

New challenges and new blessings await us, we just have to open the eyes of our heart.

Sweet dreams to my three boys and praise God for them!