Tough episodes vs. tough days

It's Sunday night and we have entered the world of "school nights". I can't believe our little one is going to school. Granted, it's preschool and he's not even three, but still....it's school. It's going to take us a little while to get used to getting up early each morning, getting everyone ready and out the door by 7:45. It's a goal every day. We did great Thursday and Friday of last week. Watch out Monday!

Fred's sister De Anne (now affectionately known as Dee Dee thanks to Freddie) came to visit this weekend. We LOVE when Dee Dee visits! It's just a breath of fresh air to have her here. She and Freddie are best buddies and completely wear each other out when she's in town. They hit the pool and the park yesterday before we went to dinner with the whole family. The four of us, Fred's mom (GaGa), Dee Dee, Nana and Papa. It was an experience to say the least. Fred had to make a trip to Urgent Care late afternoon on Saturday because his swollen foot and leg from two bee stings on Friday afternoon were not any better (that's its own story!) So we were late getting to the restaurant and Freddie was exhausted. For anyone who has kids, you know what I mean when I say we missed the window. We basically started our dinner when he should have been closing his little eyes for the night. It literally took six adults to handle two kids. Freddie was all over the place and Logan fussed until he had a seizure. The Lord blessed us with a patient and understanding family! And actually, fairly patient and understanding Outback Steakhouse staff last night.

I've come to the realization that, for me, it's best to look at tough times as just that...tough times. It used to be that when a day started out tough, it was a tough day or if a day started out great, I expected the entire day to be great. Just like any other situation, if I let the feeling I feel when I get out of bed in the morning determine what kind of day I'm going to have, then it does. If I wake up ready to tackle the world, I'm able to do so. If I wake up ready to go back to bed, I can't seem to shake that feeling all day. It's all about choices. What's so funny about having choices is that we give Freddie choices all the time. Everything you read and hear advises giving children choices. And most of the time it works. He's three and we somehow think that what applies to him doesn't work for us anymore. Nothing could be further from the truth. The hard part is living what I'm typing. Lack of sleep will really do you in and distort the world around you. But sleeping one full night through is almost worse than staying on the "few hours here, few hours there" schedule. Bottom line is, I'm never going to get the amount of sleep, for example, that I choose. But, I can choose my attitude for each day with which I am blessed. Like I said before, easier said than done.

I'm realizing this applies so well to raising children and raising a child with special needs. Praying for patience with a full-of-life-ready-to-take-on-the-world-almost-3-year-old has become more than a daily prayer. Sometimes it's an hourly prayer. But tonight, when he couldn't sleep he asked me to lay with him. I started at the end of the bed hoping he would go right back to sleep, but watching him I just wanted to be near him. I laid my head on his pillow and he cuddled up to me so that I could feel his little breath on my face. There isn't anything sweeter than being that close to your child. This is probably one of the hardest things about what Logan is going through now. The feeling of helplessness when he is having a seizure, or the period that sometimes leads up to one when you can tell he is just miserable. Not being able to comfort him or provide that security for him is heart wrenching. His cries sometimes feel like he is pleading for us to just make it stop. So pitiful and weak. That's truly the hardest part. I would imagine that part is not going to get much easier.

We have two of the most amazing couples who teach our Sunday School class. But teaching is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what they do for the over 30 couples in the class. They are teachers, counselors, mentors, advisers, role models, cheerleaders, friends, confidants and so much more. It feels as though they have devoted their entire lives to each couple individually and the church, yet they have their own families and lives. I don't know how they do it and I'm not sure where any of us would be without them. They have said that the definition of the word Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. It is so true.

Since all of this started happening with Logan, I've noticed that questions, prayers and concerns I've had have not just been answered by God talking to me through prayer. I guess God has become fairly aware that I'm not always a great listener in prayer. There have been days, more than one unfortunately, when I haven't read my devotion so I have to read two in one day. Coincidentally both devotions apply to what I need for the day on which I read them. We have also received random notes in the mail or email, from people I know of course, but at the specific time that again answers a prayer or question or concern I recently had. Hmmm. It happens over and over again.

In all of this I have come to understand that times are tough, not necessarily days or weeks or months. Times can be as short as a few minutes or much longer, but sometimes it is our choice to decide when it gets better.

Logan is such a sweet child who has some tough times. I have really tried to start enjoying him as our precious child first and then addressing the special needs that he has instead of always focusing on the special need first. This IS Logan, it's who he is inside and out. Just like we all have one foot slightly larger than the other or a strange quirk about us that makes us who we are, so does he. His just happen to require a little more focus than others and attention from highly trained medical professionals. We've joked about what an MRI of our brains might look like and decided everyone is probably better not knowing.

So in all of this, the basics remain. Freddie is adjusting to school, Logan is trying new medicine (although it's not working as great as we had hoped), we are sending his info off to get other opinions this week, we have amazing friends who take care of us in more ways than they realize, our family is more of a support and blessing than we deserve and God is still leading the way.

Hopefully we will have some updates on Logan this week. Our prayer requests are always the same however; we pray we will be the best parents that we can be to our boys and that we will follow God's will in the decisions we make. Our children are so very precious and I have been reminded that they were God's children first and that he loves them more than we do. It's hard to grasp that type of love, but I know it's true.

It's quiet now and I pray everyone will get a restful nights sleep. The last time I did that, after the last post, it worked. Everyone slept through the night. The power of prayer.

Until next time, may the peace of God be with you.