Happy Friday!

Welcome weekend!  We're glad you're here!

I've finally realized that I need to just update a little each day, because when I wait until I have time the thoughts that fill my head are just too overwhelming! In the past it seems like I could recall a day or a time because of a specific event or experience. These days seem to be so full of little events that they add up to a very full life....in many ways!

The boys are doing well! They are growing and being all their 3 year and 8 month old little bodies can be! Freddie is still doing well at school. He will kill me one day to know I actually put this in black and white, but the big news for this Friday is that he went to the bathroom at school all by himself - #2! It amazes me still at the things in our life that are such a big deal. Who knew that a poop story would be so exciting? Regardless, we are so proud of him! For a while he was coming home in his extra clothes each day and the teacher called me in to talk about it. I felt so bad for Freddie, although they were very sweet and patient. After looking back now, we realize that it was when he was sick, so I'm thinking that is what was going on because we haven't had an accident since. Such a big boy, although we have to act like none of this is a big deal. Just run of the mill. And to most of you reading this, it will not be a huge deal, but it means a ton to us so of course, it made it on the blog!

I also ran into Gracie's mom this morning as I was walking in with Freddie. If you'll recall, Gracie was his helper during his birthday celebration - not just once, but each time he needed a helper. So cute! As we walked in her mom said good morning to Freddie and mentioned how excited Gracie would be to see him. I put two and two together and realized it was Gracie's mom - I'm pretty quick in the mornings. As the realization showed on my face and I said "Oh, so you're Gracie's mom." She smiled and said something to the effect of, "Yes I am. We hear about Freddie all the time. It's a love affair! All we hear about is Freddie!" The smile on her face was so sweet and it was such a wonderful way to start my day! I'm pretty sure Freddie didn't really catch on to anything that was going on, but it has given me this calm sense of joy all day. Ahh....

My attempt at an in-home portrait studio! 

This was the only photo I didn't try to stage!

Typically I drop Freddie off in the "drop off" car line instead of walking in with him, but we have been late a couple of days this week because he has overslept! The catch...he has overslept in our bed with Fred. I figure he's a pretty smart kid, so after two nights it's going to be hard to stop it. Not two nights in a row, but still - he knows how to work things to his advantage. Logan and I are back in Logan's room so he can sleep in his bed instead of the pack and play, so Freddie and Fred have been having slumber parties in our bed at night. Another reason Freddie will likely try to continue this behavior....who doesn't love a slumber party? Yikes. At least he is sleeping. He wakes up around midnight and heads in there to find Fred so tired and sleepy that they both fall back to sleep quickly without even considering going back to Freddie's room. I got up a couple of times last night and checked Freddie's room and both times realized he was not in there. Not sure where to go from here, but again...at least he's sleeping.

We still measure Logan's days in good ones and bad ones. Overall it seems he is having more good days that bad lately, although the bad ones seem to last all day. Over the last few weeks we have had some seizure free days, some days where there are only two or three but they are not so bad, days when two or three seizures are enough to completely wipe him out and days when we see 7-8 pretty bad ones and have to just write off any developmental advances we hoped to make. Overall he actually is doing great though!  We're in the tapering up process of his Depakote, so hopefully once we reach therapeutic levels we will see positive changes. At the end of December we'll go in to check his blood for a variety of things, so we'll keep plugging away until then.

Our sweet baby boy.

So happy!  The way everyone should picture this sweet face!

We have been getting out and about as a family recently, since Logan's immune system should be stronger now. That has made a world of difference! In the last week or so we went to church, had dinner with friends (twice!) and went to the Christmas tree farm for the second time only to come home empty handed again. Either way, we had a blast. Thanks be to God for the small joys in life...just getting out of the house and enjoying each other.  

It's been more enjoyable than you can imagine to just get out and be with our friends and around other kids where Freddie can play!  We had a wonderful dinner last Saturday night with Uncle Seth, Auntie Moriah and Liam as well as Moriah's sister, Vanessa who was visiting. The boys had a blast playing and we just enjoyed time together. We also helped Mr. Jim and Mrs. Lindsey test out their smoker this week.  It was tough work sampling the ham, but slice after slice...after slice....Freddie determined that it was very good.  He even asked if we could take some home!  Way to go Mr. Jim!  When we got ready to leave, Lindsey was holding Logan and when Freddie noticed he walked over, grabbed at Logan's foot and with the sweetest bit of desperation in his voice said, " No Mrs. Lindsey. He's our baby and I want to keep him. He has to go home with us."  Now that is something you couldn't script!  If only we had the video camera with us.  What a sweet boy.  In the car these days I don't worry anymore about Freddie hurting Logan. Most of the time when I look back he is holding Logan's hand...just a sweet big brother taking care of his little brother. 

The boys! Uncle Seth, Liam, Fred, Freddie and Logan

We went to our new favorite Christmas Tree farm again last weekend, only to leave empty handed...again.  The first time we went all the boys fell asleep in the back on the way out there.  Logan woke up soon after we arrived, so he and I took a stroll around to check things out. We headed back to the car and got him settled into his stroller and just before we woke Freddie up, the phone rang.  A Realtor wanted to show our house within about 45 minutes.  We were a good 30 minutes from home and the house looked like a tornado had hit it, of course. So we got Logan back in the car, packed the stroller back in and headed out. Freddie was still sleeping.  The second time we went, last weekend, we really enjoyed our time there! We roasted marshmallows by the fire, Fred and Freddie ran through the trees, experienced Freddie's first hay ride and I spent the day taking fun photos of the four of us. It was awesome! Then we realized, after Fred found a tree we wanted, that they only take cash. Oh well, we enjoyed the time together and a little hot chocolate. Our goal for this weekend?  A Christmas tree.  I'm even going to try and decorate it before I leave!

What a fun place! 

My new favorite picture of Logan.

Love, love, love family days!

My mom and dad have been wonderful, as usual, and watched the boys at their house a few days this week.  I have been trying to get things ready for Christmas as well as tie up a few loose ends regarding insurance and doctors before I head out of town next week.  I'm beginning to learn, through this process, that there are people you will love and feel are on your side and then there's the insurance company. Are they trained to say no, exclude everything, sound extremely uncaring, show little emotion and basically make you feel like you are on your own even though you are paying them out the wazoo??? I tell ya, I'm a pretty patient person but it just bugs mewhen dealing with anything involving insurance. The very definition of insurance includes the words "guaranteeing protection" and"safety". I feel that neither are of concern to the company unless it is specifically listed in the policy. I guess it's all a business so I shouldn't be surprised, but really....we are talking about people's lives here. If I were referring to getting an upgrade to my car because I had a wreck and damaged it myself, I can understand their lack of willingness to help me out. But when I'm referring to a bath chair to help us bathe ourover 26 pound 8 month old who cannot sit up or balance his sweet little head on his own, I would hope to at least hear a little disappointment in our case manager's voice when she tells me multiple times that bath items are just not covered. They are considered a convenience...although she did add that it's not that they don't think we need it, they are just not covered. Jeez people. 

Not to worry though, we are awaiting a ruling on whether or not Logan will qualify for Medicaid and hopefully that will go through and many of the outstanding items we have now will be taken care of. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have cried at the responses we have received from our dear friends offering help either physically or financially. You guys do so much more for us than we deserve, but I have to remember that sweet little Logan deserves it all...everything we can give him to make his life that much more enjoyable. We are so appreciative to everyone for all of your support....every type of support. We have faith that Logan be approved for Medicaid and that most of these things will be covered. Here we go again....one step at a time. It's our family motto I think.

I actually started this post earlier this afternoon and it is now 10pm. The boys are both finally sleeping.  Logan has trouble going to sleep these days, but luckily he's basically sleeping through the night which is a huge blessing.  We get to this point in the night and Fred and I just start to shut down. Nothing that other families don't experience, I'll just be glad when we reach the point where we don't always feel tired, run down or utterly exhausted. I realize that with kids, these days will likely not come, but humor me.  Just let me enjoy this thought as if it might be a reality some day. 

I'm experimenting with blogger these days, can you tell?  Adding more photos, using different font techniques.  I'm certainly not solving any world issues, but it's been fun to try different things. I have read other blogs and about other families recently who are battling their own issues with their children and I see the joy that many of them have through all of the struggles. These kids are such an inspiration and it shows through the posts, photos, images and sheer determination that they have. As young as Logan is, it's amazing to see determination in his little face. It's a description I would never have thought to use for an 8 month old, but it's accurate. I say it over and over, but if we could just get the seizures under control he would have the chance to make progress!! Despite them he's pushing through and advancing developmentally as much as possible. We are working with a physical therapist weekly now, so that is a huge step in the right direction. Even buying the right toys is key in helping him move forward.

I always reach this point in my updating and automatically begin to reflect on the blessings God has granted us. It's an inevitable point in this journey. The first and most important of those is our family, without a doubt. I'm not sure a day goes by that Fred and I are not in awe of our amazing boys. I realize that it's just a feeling that a parent develops for their children, but wow. Don't get me wrong, my patience wears very, very thin throughout the day. How in the world can a 3 year old be loving and cuddly one minute and screaming no over and over again the next?  Or why in the world does it take so long and so much water, just to wash little hands?  But at the end of the day, we could not ask for more precious children.  It's scary sometimes that we have been given their fragile and impressionable little lives to guide.  What do people do who do not believe in God? I have trouble following his will all the time, or even knowing what that will is?  But I believe in him and that there is a plan for all of us.  I don't know how people survive each day without that knowledge, faith and peace in their lives. It makes me sad really. But then I realize that I probably have enough on my plate, so I try and say a prayer for them, let God do what he does best and then put my focus back where it needs to be. Goodness knows I ask for His help in keeping my focus more often than I should. Luckily he's pretty patient. 

There are so many other blessing that I wish I could explain. I wish I could find a way to describe to you the feelings we feel because of the support from you guys. There's no way to put it into words. I only wish there was a way that we could show you how much your generosity and friendship means to us. To know that our children are cared for and loved by so many people, all over the world...it's a feeling everyone should feel. It makes some of the dark days not so dark, it makes the hard times easier and it makes a long road seem less daunting and lonely. Fred and I feel it, Freddie and Logan feel it, even our parents and sisters feel it. The only way I have ever come up with that even remotely expresses the feelings is to say that it is God at work.  Plain and simple. His hands, His heart, His love. We've always been taught that He works through us. I would love to turn our lives into a movie, but for reasons other than documenting Logan's journey. It's God's love through each and every person who has touched our lives that is enough to save the world.  It's truly undeniable. So often I feel like we were chosen instead of burdened. There are plenty of times I feel some of the burden too, but more often it is the feeling that God has big plans in store for our family.  I don't know what they are or how any of it will play out, but He is definitely hard at work with us. I just hope we can hold up our end of the deal. 

Below was sent to me by a good friend the other day.  I have thought about it over and over.

"Difficulty is actually the atmosphere surrounding a miracle, or a miracle in its initial stage. Yet if it is to be a great miracle, the surrounding condition will not simply be a difficulty, but an utter impossibility. And it is the clinging hand of... His child that makes a desperate situation a delight to God."

We often turn to God only in the bad times, but I am trying every day to remember to praise Him just as often. 

Thank you to everyone who continues to help us on this journey.  If ever there is a way we can begin to repay the favor, know we are here.  In the meantime we keep you in our praises to God. You continue to make His heart happy!

Sweet dreams boys.....you make my heart happy.