Things aren't always what they seem

So....I'm sitting in a bookstore cafe, drinking a peppermint mocha out of a red and white mug (coffee is so much better out of a cool mug), eating pumpkin bread and blogging. Those of you who know me well are enjoying a good laugh as you read!!! Every part of that...except maybe the coffee....is not necessarily who I am each day, but I am really enjoying it today. It just goes to show that we think we know everything about someone just by taking a look at them, but I could almost guarantee that the other patrons in this cafe would probably not be able to give you an accurate description of my life just by what they see here. Regardless, I'm enjoying my time this morning.

I can't believe it's been so long since I've written. There are multiple reasons that I could list, but a couple that stand out are that I have found a series of books that I have a hard time putting down and the boys are sleeping these days, for the most part. So at night, when I used to blog is now when I crawl into bed....my husband is sleeping in the same one these days YAY....and I read a chapter or two of my book before I settle in to what is likely to be a full night's sleep. God always promised he would see us through and it feels like we have certainly moved forward.

Things with Logan have been relatively good these days, depending on which part we're talking about. He is taking a new medication, Depakote, which seems to be working well. So now he's still on Keppra and Klonopin, off the Topamax and on the Depakote. He has been much more alert, happier and ready to start doing things that little ones his age are trying to do. He wants to sit up all the time! He's still struggling with holding his head up, but at least now he is not so sedated that he doesn't have time to work on strengthening those neck muscles. We actually went seizure free for a few days over last weekend, but they came back on Monday so we are increasing his Depakote, which will hopefully help. It is so wonderful to know that he is sleeping through the night! He wakes up so happy with HUGE smiles in the morning. This is a far cry from what we were seeing over the last two weeks. Sometimes he would cry for two hours with seizures before during and after before he finally fell asleep at night, still have at least one overnight and then we would start the process all over the next day. So we're starting to see glimpses of what will hopefully be our normal. I love it and welcome it!

Freddie is doing much better these days! After we had H1N1, a stomach virus and a cold run through the family over the last two weeks, it seems we are finally back on track for now. He is sleeping much better these days and wakes up between 5:45 and 6:15 instead of around 5am. He is actually having school pictures made this Friday....I can't wait! Not sure he is so thrilled, but after missing the original date and the make up date because he was sick, I'm just excited that we have one more chance to get some good, new pictures of him. I also observed his class for the first time this morning. So intersting! Most parents do this before their child starts at Omni, but we didn't have a chance since we enrolled him during the summer. It was really, really cool. I sat close to the middle of the room in a red chair and simply watched the kids. Freddie tried to interact with me a couple of times, but seemed to understand that I was just there to observe. He would stand in front of me sometimes and give me a little smirk, like he was trying to make me laugh. He is the coolest kid ever!!!

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving this year, at least once we got past Thanksgiving Day. We seem to struggle a bit during this holiday, for the past couple of years anyway. Last year we went with two other families, who are great friends of ours, to the Outer Banks for the holiday. Freddie was so sick we ended up driving home on Thanksgiving Day. He had a cold, croup, ear infection and an eye infection. That drive was absolutely brutal. This year Dee Dee came down with the stomach bug and was sick all day Thanksgiving Day. We felt so awful for her, but there was little we could do.

For some reason Fred and I decided to have a little breakdown that night and as he put it, we were fighting for cry time. It's like everything in our lives started to bear down that night. We were having trouble seeing our way out of any of the struggles and dark clouds we were experiencing. The best part about our marriage though is that we both realized that God was our only answer. Without relying on him we really were in trouble. We cried together, tried to find strength together and held onto the promise that the next day would bring hope and the strength and guidance we needed. As always, God delivered, and he hasn't stopped. We spent black Friday at SouthPark Mall...all day. I was so worried the night before about taking Logan out into the crowd, or whether or not we would all get the stomach bug again, but each time I started to spiral with my fears I would beg (literally) God to get me back on track, realize he was in control and help me to enjoy the present. He did....every time. We had the best day! Logan had a seizure, Freddie stuck his foot (shoe and all) in the fountain and he was just about to shut down in Belk because he was so tired. It was awesome! Just to be out and about as a family. It was so what we needed. Then we found the bookstore and spent the rest of the afternoon looking through magazines, watching Freddie play with the trains and pretend to serve cheeseburgers through a little window in the bookstore. Life is so good when you get to live it. It's funny though, we looked like the typical family just enjoying black Friday. I guess for the most part we are, but it sure didn't seem like that just 24 hours before.

Saturday Dee Dee headed back to NYC, although she still wasn't feeling well. We got the family together again and headed out to a mouse job. Freddie, Logan and I played in the car while Fred handled the job and sold a quarterly service. YAY DADDY! Then we went to lunch and off to the Christmas Tree Farm. It is the coolest place. They have trees you can cut yourself, pre-cut trees, a bon fire, coffee and hot chocolate, marshmellows for the kids to roast and more. So cool! All the boys took a little nap in the back on the way out there and Freddie was still sleeping when we arrived, so Logan and I walked around checking things out. I was reminded again that things aren't always what they seem.

It's funny when people see me holding Logan. He is off the charts as far as height and weight, so when I hold him he looks enormous and I look very small. People always seem to comment and are amazed at how big he is. One of the first questions I get is about his age. You can see when I tell them he is almost 8 months that they begin to process that the way I'm holding him makes him look like a baby. He's not supporting himself, holding his head up, etc. You can almost see the wheels turning in their minds. Lately I've started to think about the fact that as he gets older, things will change. For instance, he is very difficult to bathe these days. We still give him a bath in the kitchen sink, but he's too big for it! He wants to splash and play, but it's so hard to let him do that and try and hold him too. So I am looking into a bath chair for him. That doesn't sound like a big deal, but it's the first time I've looked into an item that is for a child who has needs other than a typical 8 month old child. Special needs I guess I should say, but I have a hard time labeling him. It's not that I have a hard time talking about what is going on with him or telling anyone what he battles, but just lumping him in with any other child who requires special equipment is hard for me. I know that every parent feels that way when they have to start this process. His stroller is also a bit challeging for us, so when I looked into something that would be a little easier for us to handle, I was struck again with the realization that things are changing. What I found, thank you to our wonderful friend Sheila, was called a pediatric wheelchair. Wow. It's not that it's sad or makes me angry, it's just a different road. The other way I could look at it is that we are blessed there are things out ther to help us! And, we are working with a few resources to help us cover the cost of these items. The bath chair is over $500 and the chair is over $2000. I almost laugh at the cost of things these days. Somehow we will get through all of this, it's just going to take time, patience and a lot of paperwork. God knows the road, I just have to follow his directions.

Nana and Papa enjoyed a nice break from us over Thanksgiving!!! They headed to Danville and spent time with family. I really wish we could have gone with them, but travleing with Logan just hasn't been something we've tackled. Hopefully soon we'll be able to make some trips to see everyone. Speaking of trips, I am feeling a little guilty, a little scared and a little excited about a trip I'm taking with De Anne in a couple of weeks. She goes to Mexico surfing a couple of times a year now and this time I'm going with her! YIKES! I'm not necessarily going to surf, but I am going to do my best to get some R&R. As guilty as I feel, I realize that we all have to take a break, which will refresh and renew us to be a better member of the family. Fred and I just can't travel together right now, but since I'm going on this trip he is planning to go snowboarding early next year with De Anne. As he says, I need the sun to recharge and he can recharge with adrenaline pumping through his veins as he speeds down the slopes! We are so blessed to even have the opportunity to do these things....thank you De Anne for taking care of our insanity levels!!!

It's time to go get Freddie and get his hair cut this afternoon. I could literally type for the next two hours, but I'll save some of that for later. Hopefully a sooner later this time. Suffice it to say, God is still at work, which is why we are still going. He really is doing more than just getting us through the tough times. He is teaching us so very much, saving us from ourselves and proving to us that JOY through him is the greatest JOY in the world.

Happy Wednesday everyone! Be back soon!